Joana Tischkau & Elisabeth Hampe

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Joana Tischkau & Elisabeth Hampe

Do you want the rational spiciness of white masculinity alongside the physicality of Black femmes? If you're looking for a way to combine the two, Colonastics™ is for you!
Colonastics™ is the world's first fitness workout that does without the exoticizing bullshit of Zumba, the pseudo-spiritual, esoteric bells and whistles of white yoginis and neo-colonial appropriations! Why? Because it feeds solely on the physicality of white cultural practices. Stiffen your joints, throw your limbs around uncontrollably and perfect your air guitar. Feel white supremacy flowing through our collective consciousness and become part of a movement that will revolutionize the fitness world.
Push yourself to the limit with white body building, beat the beat at Berghain Bounce, get whisked away on a deeply relaxing post-racial dream trip, or find your inner white man during a sweaty beer bike tour of Berlin. Once the smell of Sauerkraut Juice and the Schlager tunes grab you, you'll understand why Colonastics™ classes change everything! Mega-effective? Yup! Mega fun? Hell yes! Every time you come out of class, you'll be bursting with energy and feel invincible.

Detailed program:

Total Body Schranzformation

10.11., 7.00 pm
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Intermediate

What do you do when you’re on the dancefloor? Do you two step, shuffle or just nod your head? That’s right, if you‘re white! Total Body Schranzformation is a full body cardio workout taking you from 1991 Love Parade to Berlin Berghain straight to the Thunderdome Rave Experience. Our high intensity intervall raving will push you to your limits and create a club community in which whiteness is the ultimate rythm

The Rockout

11.11., 4.00 pm
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Intermediate

Haven’t we all dreamed of strutting like Jagger? Longing to wind up in despair like Jon BonJovi and headbanging our brains out at Wacken? Now here’s your chance! Rock it out on our customized Air guitars and learn the Moves of White Rock ‘n Roll from the best: Don’t hesitate, appropriate!

Whiteness is a State of Mind – A Dream Trip to Happy Land

12.11., 11.00 am
Bring comfortable clothes
Level: Beginner

Don’t we all dream of a post-racist society where Black, white, red, yellow and blue can live in peace with one another? In our Colonastics dream trip we will take you back to Happy Land. Through relaxed meditation coupled with carefully curated somatic bodily practices and partnered exercises, we will find our way back to our innermost white self. By harmonising the frequencies of this desire with the frequencies of the universe, we shall become one with our whiteness. Because whiteness is a state of mind.

Schlager HIIT

12.11., 2.00 pm
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Intermediate

Tie up your Wandershoes and join us for a heartrate raising trip to the Alpen! Our infectious Schlager High Intensity Intervall Training is a combination of white folcloric warm up dances and straight up white body building-body exercises using dumbells, barrels and beer benches. Our carefully curated playlists of oldschool and contemporary Schlager Hits will inspire you to sprint faster and lift heavier. Let's raise our glasses, sing along, and celebrate the magic of Schlager! Through this workout, we reclaim our white German heritage and boost your Heimatgefühle to a whole new level!




The workouts have different requirements for sportswear and fitness levels. Please refer to the visitor information.
The workouts start on time. Please arrive a bit earlier if you want to change in the changing rooms before the show.

Duration: 60 min. each

Sponsors and Supporters

Concept & Choreography: Joana Tischkau, Elisabeth Hampe
Implementation & Instruction: Litchi Ly Friedrich, Elisabeth Hampe, Joana Tischkau, Onur Agbaba
Scenopraphy: Carlo Siegfried
Grafic design, CI: Sondi
Sound: Frieder Blume
Costumes: Aleix Llussà López
Lighting Design: Hendrik Borowski
Artistic & Organisational Collaborator: Laura-Marie Preßmar
Production: Lisa Gehring

A production by Tischkau & Hampe GbR in co-production with SOPHIENSÆLE, Theater Rampe and Künstler*innenhaus Mousonturm. Funded with a grant from the Capital Cultural Fund. The Frankfurt adaptation is a production by Joana Tischkau in co-production with Künstler*innenhaus Mousonturm. Funded by the Hessian Ministry of Science, the Arts and the City of Frankfurt am Main’s Culture Department and by the Federal Government Commissioner for Culture and the Media in the frame of the Alliance of International Productionhouse.


Elisabeth Hampe is a certified Colonastics™ instructor since 2017. Growing up in an all-white family she started working out with Turnen, Walzer, Foxtrott and ballet as a child and teen. Elisabeth has profound wisdom and knowledge in all things white as she naturally embodies whiteness. Her path has also gifted her with experiences in Lyrical Modern Dance, Berghain Bouncing and Truth Bending. Elisabeth was able to deepen her practice by studying at an ultimately white theatre institute in Mittelhessen, reading mainly white authors and partaking in various white male-dominated student parties. As part of a holistic research retreat in the former BRD capital Bonn she became one of the founding members of Colonastics™. Since then, Elisabeth has devoted all her energy and time to help people to discover and embrace their inner whiteness. Her mystically patronizing and denyingly dogmatic teaching style come from a remarkably authentic place. In her excruciatingly calming mind vs. body classes, she will tell you to be your own Universe and ask all from yourself. In Colonastics™ and in life her favorite moves are the Wall of Death and the Disco Fox. The mantra Elisabeth lives by and hopes to pass on to her students reads “Respect the Rules and Pray!” (DJ Bobo). Inspired by her heritage her future goal is to become the next Spreewaldgurkenkönig.

Julia-Friederike Tischkau started her physical journey in the context of white German Sportvereins. Together with her twin brother, she trained in judo, gaining the yellow belt under the strict regimen of beer-bellied judoka Willi. She also gained experience in other recreational white spaces, doing children's ballet, aerobics, step aerobics, and video-clip dancing, and later moved on to study contemporary dance and theatre in a white British institution. There, she was met with the full force of white embodiment, studying somatic practices such as Skinny-Bitch-Releasing Technique, Joseph-Hubertus-Pilates, Mind vs. Body Centering, and contact improvisation as practiced by its white founders Steve Paxton and Nancy Stark Smith. In search of her true, authentic self, in 2017 Julia Friederike embarked on a journey to find her inner whiteness. Together with Elisabeth, she founded Colonastics™, a fitness workout, dodging the neo-colonial practices of the fitness world and, in contrast, developing a strictly white movement practice. As a certified Colonastics instructor, Julia Friederike believes that whiteness is a state of mind that has built its own psychic life, which can be acquired and cultivated by anyone, regardless of their heritage or skin color. Julia Friederike's workouts are a painful experience, making you sweat, scream, and wish you were dead. She inherited her militant, unforgiving, and strict teaching style from her white maternal grandfather, Horst: ”Von nix kommt nix!”

Bruno Weißmann (née Agbaba) is the newest member of the Colonastics Family, and he's already feeling comfortable in his new white skin. To align with his new identity, Schlager expert Bruno even changed his Turkish surname to sound more German. Grüß Gott, Herr Weißmann! In his early days, young Bruno enjoyed imitating the white kids in his suburban Stuttgart neighborhood. He practiced horse riding and karate and dreamed of joining the Voltigier-Team. Most of his free time was spent at the Canstatter Wasen, where he integrated well into the Bierzelt community by singing along loudly to his favorite Schlager hits such as “Er gehört zu mir” by Marianne Rosenberg. An expert in code-switching, Bruno seamlessly blends from Ballermann Partyhits 1990 to Mayday 1991, even witnessing Sven Väth, Paul Kalkbrenner, and Westbam firsthand. Bruno is currently also known as a hardcore raver at Berlin's No.1 Basement Berghain. Apart from his ethnographic research in exclusively white spaces, Bruno received further formal training at several white theatre and dance institutions such as the Copenhagen Contemporary Dance School, training in Graham, Feldenkrais, Alexander, and Release Technique. Bruno loves to share his multitude of skillsets in Colonastics' own Schlager High-Intensity Training and gathers new movement material on his biannual trip to Germany's last remaining colony in Spain, Mallorca. By joining his class, you can be sure that Bruno will take you from Berlin to Ballermann and get your Beer Body Malle-ready in no time -  "Eat, Sleep, Schlager, Repeat"

Léonie Theresa Christina Friedrich is a newly certified advanced Colonastics instructor. Born and raised in “Klein-Paris” Leipzig, Léonie has always been a citizen of the world. As a young Girl in Sachsen, Léonie trained in Blockflöte at the Johann-Sebastian-Bach Musikschule and fell in love with classical traditional baroque music from an early age. Through her international education she’s learnt to truly embrace cosmopolitan living as her personal ethos. While studying ceramics and authentic British craftsmanship at the elitist Central Saint Martin in London Léonie started to embraced her inner (and outer) white self. Fundamental readings such as 'Country Life” and visits to the British Museum shaped the essence of her whiteness. She is an avid supporter of the concept of cultural appreciation and loves sharing her authentic cultural experiences to Brazil, the Philippines and Vietnam with her white Mitmenschen. Through this, Leonie was able to develop her own training method specifically for expats, which she has published in her self-help book ‘white around the world’. When she is not traveling and harvesting spiritual knowledge across the globe, that she can appreciate into her Colonastics sessions, you can find Léonie meditating at white festivals and creating flower hair bands as well as taking nature walks around Berlin, barefoot. Even though Leonie feels at home wherever she goes, she has never lost touch with her roots: ‘You might be able to take the Girl out of Sachsen, but you can’t take Sachsen out of the Girl.’